This subject came up in my pastor's sermon yesterday and reminded me once again how misused this particular verse is. Which verse? Ephesians 5: 22-23. "22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.23 For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body." (Amplified)
Over the years, I have had numerous conversations with people about this verse. Christian men who feel their wives don't respect them, men who think they can use it as a bludgeon to their wives, sexists who think it justifies their sexism and non Christians who believe it shows some inherent sexism within Christianity. All of these perspectives are incorrect, but that doesn't prevent them from being propagated.
Part of the problem with this verse is that it is commonly taken out of context. Within the context in which it is placed, Paul is writing to the church at Ephesus and telling them how they ought to behave as a church. He is giving advice. In this passage, he is informing them how a marriage should look. Here is the total context for the marriage passage.
21 Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.
23 For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.
24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word,
27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].
28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church,
It starts off with submitting to one another. This is commonly left out because it is so inconvenient for those who would misuse this verse, both inside and outside the church. The following passages then go on to tell wives and husbands specifically how they are to carry out this mutual submission. Wives should submit to their husbands by giving up their authority as the church gives it up to Christ. Therefore, the husband is the head of the house. However, the submission continues with the verses for the husband. It says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Well, this is hard because Christ loved us so much that he gave up his life. So, husbands, we are to love our wives so deeply that we are willing to give up our life for them. Not just to die for them, as Christ did for us, but to give up our desires, opinions, etc. just as Christ did for the church. After all, Christ said he came to Earth to serve.
A contextual look at this verse removes the lording it over his wife interpretation that some men have. It also removes the sexist undertones that non Christians read into it. The marriage relationship is one of mutual respect and service to one another. That is what is described here. As for who the head of the household is? Well, someone has to be the final authority on matters, but this does not mean that a man can just make all the decisions and expect to be obeyed. Quite the contrary, the relationship described here expects the man to take his wife's advice and consent very seriously. Therefore, the process described in this passage makes it more likely that a man will to listen his wife when making that "final" determination than it is that he will simply make a decision and expect to be obeyed. In fact, if he doesn't seek his wife's advice and consent in matters relating to the marriage, then he isn't showing her the respect she deserves and therefore, isn't loving her as Christ loves the church. In that case, he has abdicated his authority and most certainly is NOT the head of his household, at least not in God's eyes.
This is how I sincerely believe this passage is to be properly viewed.
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